what do you do? In your marriage that is. My husband and I have been married for over 7 years now. I’ll admit we rushed into things, engaged 4 months after we started dating, 3 months later living together, 3 months later married and giving birth to our first child 4 months after that. It was a whirlwind, and mixed with pregnancy hormones a very difficult first year.
In fact, all on one year we moved in together, got married, had a baby, then moved out of state. I was 18 at the time. Those first few years were spent playing house and raising a child, we forgot to get to know each other. Now here we are 7 years into it and wondering how we got to this point. Yes, I know he hates onions and he knows my favorite color is green. But it’s the bigger things we didn’t know about each other. I’m a major type A personality where he is a major type B. We share different religious views, political views, we’re pretty much opposites in every way. But somehow we’ve made it work…until now.
There’s two things I hate equally: lying (even the small ones) and being late. I’m a “if you’re 5 minutes early, you’re on time. If you’re on time, you’re late!” kind of person. Where as my husband thinks nothing of time, all of the time. I’ll admit he’s done a lot of lying and being late recently and mix that with my pregnancy hormones has brought on some nasty arguments.
We try to talk things out, but as much as I try to see his point of view, he can’t see mine…claims it’s distorted. We’ve discussed seeing a counsellor, no go either, neither of us is comfortable with the idea. Now we’re talking about separating. Is that all that’s left when all else fails?
About Cat Davis
Sorry to hear you are having troubles
I’ll be thinking about you.
Oh, that sucks! One thing I’ve heard is to focus on the positive. Every time you think or say something bad about him, you have to then list 5 positive things, even if it’s something small like how he does his hair!
Then your attitude will start to become more loving and kind towards him, and he will start feeling the same way about you. This is just something I’ve heard, mind you, I’m not a counselor or anything! Also, do you guys have a specific date night? Set aside one night a week to actually go out on a date. It doesn’t have to cost money- it could be a walk in the park, or even a movie night at home with all the kids in bed, be creative! This way you have specific you time. My parents used to go to Costco and out to Carl’s Jr evey Sat evening, and were back by 8 so us teenagers could go out. It’s something small, but it’s time away from kids getting to know each other. Hope this helps!
Cat – I’m so sorry… I really am. Call me this weekend… You and I can go for a walk out to the park or you’re welcome to come over to our house or I’ll take you out to lunch… whatever. We’re home all weekend. Please let me know if you have an hour to spare. I’d love to see you!
I love the Parker family suggestion about date night. You know I’ll watch the kids… (all 3 once baby D shows!)… I know it’s hard Cat… Matt and I have our fights too but you have to stop and just look at him… the eyes he has now won’t age as the rest of him will. If you want to look in those eyes in your last moments of life… stay… get over being “uncomfortable” with seeing someone to help and just do it for the sake of the rest of your life. If not, call it quits. Don’t drag it out.
You said 7 years right… it’s the 7 year ich… you’re wanting something new. You’re right, you got married young but being young doesn’t mean wrong.
I love you… you know that. Call me if you need me! I’m right down the road!!
Thanks ladies. We’ll either work it out or move on, not sure which it this point. Just me thinking out loud since we’re not talking much lately.
We’ve actually done a few date nights…I spend the entire time missing my kids. LOL How sad is that.
I really wish I could wave my magic wand and make everything ok for you.
I do think that if you want to see your marriage survive, it’s going to take 100% commitment from both of you to make things work. If only one of you is willing to do whatever it takes, it will never work. You will get burnt out, and things will only get worse.
It is easy to get married, have children, and the children sort of take over. It’s hard to focus on your relationship with your husband when you’re always doing something for the kids. (Believe me, I know. Hubby and I will celebrate our 6 year anniversary in a week, and he and I have had 3 children in our 6 years of marriage and are adding a 4th!) You HAVE to set aside time for the two of you. And you can’t just sit and talk about the kids. You need to reconnect with each other as husband and wife. Remind yourselves why you got together in the first place.
However, if he’s not willing to work on it, it’s not fair to you. You deserve someone who wants to put you first, and wants to make it work no matter what.
I’ll be praying for you. If you ever need to talk, don’t hesitate to drop me a line.
(((HUGS)))