Tomorrow is the day we’ve been dreading. For several months now we’ve scheduled and canceled at least 3 previous appointments to have the vasectomy procedure done. Why? Good question.
From the husband’s perspective:
He’s afraid. Very Afraid. Who can blame him? While he’s not so much worried about never fathering a child again, he’s extremely worried about the pain. I would bet my life that it won’t be as bad as birthing three children, but can understand they are puncturing a very sensitive area.
From the wife’s perspective:
The idea of never having children with my husband EVER again is a tough pill to swallow. Am I really done? At 26, do I really know what I want? Can I be okay with never holding a sweet baby in my arms again and teaching him/her every little thing I know in hopes of them becoming the person I once aspired to be? The answer is probably not. But, and it’s a big one…children cost money, time, attention and slowly strip you of brain cells. While the woman in me screams “more babies”, the mom in me whispers “you should be a whole parent to one child (or three) than a partial parent to a bundle.” There’s always room in my heart to love another child, but there aren’t enough hands to pull them out of a busy intersection or cuddle with them as they drift to sleep.
Clarification to above statement since someone had to get their panties in a bunch – When I said that it was as it applies to ME, MYSELF, I…cannot be a whole parent to more than 3 children. I physically cannot spend the amount of time with each that I would want to, I can’t feed the baby and read my toddler a story, I can’t go out and throw the baseball with my son while my toddler is dragging me away to blow bubbles. Adding one more would stretch me so thin I wouldn’t be the “whole” parent to them as I define it.
Moms like Kadi and Lisa, have my total respect for being able to be great moms to more than 3 kids. I’m at the point where my kids don’t even go by their names any more because I always end up calling emma – kaydee and kaydee-emma, hell, I even called Jon – Mattison a few times.
For me, I know I can be a better mom to three than I could to four. I may silently cry as I read your birth stories but in my heart I know I’m doing what’s best for the children I do have.
Snip. Snip. 15 hours and counting.
UPDATE
Guess who chickened out? Yep, my husband AGAIN. boy oh boy…this is actually getting kind of funny. This doctor is going to think he’s nuts. LOL And to think he shaved for nothing. Ha!
About Cat Davis
Cat, you put it beautifully! We are dealing with this! Stoney is SCARED. He is afraid of doing it and needing more time off. He says “as a cop, I need to be able to perform at my best.” @@
Girl, I am right there with ya! As a mom of 3 as well I have my hands full yet can’t shake this crazy yearning to have another baby. I know something must be completely wrong with me when I cry in desperation at how overwhelmed my kids make me feel while at the same time I secretly want more! I’m 29 and I’m at a point in my life where I am ready to reconnect with my husband and actually have a life beyond my children yet I cry inside each time I hear of a newly pregnant friend or one who has just given birth. I guess we are truly wired to be baby making machines. Too bad they aren’t delivered w/ a fully loaded bank account and an extra pair of hands! While my husband and I have yet to make the decision to “snip snip” (he would do it tomorrow if I’d give him the thumbs up) I have been praying for a peace and contentment about ending the child count at 3. Some days I really think that I’m ok w/ it….until I see a newborn and then those feelings come flooding back. I honestly don’t think we will have more but I haven’t been able to take that step just yet. I pray that you will find peace with your decision and that all goes smoothly tomorrow!
Oh poor guy! I’m with ya though. My kids are 7 and 9, so I am at a point where I have more freedom and i love it. While I love babies and miss caring for them, the logical side of me says no!
Wow, big hugs! I’m sure it’s an emotional rollercoaster, and I think my DH will probably get the big V done when we are all done with kids, but I know we probably want 2 more, so it’s a ways down the road. I didn’t realize we are the same age
Maybe after it’s over he can talk my husband into it? He’s been putting it off for about 3 years now. I KNOW I’m done. I told my husband when we discussed having kids that when I’m 30 I’m done. I’ll be 30 this year. My goal was to still be young enough when my children leave home to enjoy the 2nd part of my life, and grandkids should they happen many years from now.
It is hard sometimes that I’ll never hold another baby that’s mine, rock them to sleep, swaddle them in a blanket, etc. But, I’m also done with 2am feedings, teething, and soon potty training. I get to take joy in holding the babies of friends and family now, and then the best part is I get to give the baby back to his or her parents when a bottle or diaper change is needed. It truly is a nice feeling.
My hubby got the “snip snip” two days before I gave birth to our fourth (who will be a year old in a few weeks). It was the best decision we ever made, although a hard one. He actually had an appointment after our third one, but ended up rescheduling and we ended up with baby #4!
We would love more kids, but I love what you said. So true! I would rather be “a whole parent to one child (or four) than a partial parent to a bundle”.
FYI, make sure he listens to his doctors instructions! My hubby was up way more than he should have been. Not that he could help it since I was giving birth, but he paid for it with lots of pain!
Cat,
I wish you and your hubby well! It’s clear that the both of you are able to do what many marriages are lacking…communicate on sensitive issues and reach difficult decisions together…I applaud you and respect your honesty in sharing such a sensitive and somewhat personal issue.Today will pass, it will become yesterday…on bad days, I like to say “yesterday never happened”. You are making a very difficult decision but you are making it for all of the right reasons.
Once again, thanks for sharing, thanks for being so open and honest!
When the time comes, hubby will have it done, too. After being in charge of all things birth control for so long, it will finally come to him…but I know it’s a tough decision to make!
Ouch! Condolences to your husband. It’s good that the two of you made the decision together. While I wonder how mothers of more than three children do it, I too silently cry for more children. I just pray for God to give me everything I need to love, nurture, and afford the three children we have. You’re right that they can keep you busy, but they’re worth every minute of it. Energy, I need more of it!
Fix your husband a couple of his favorite meals, nurse him back to health, and as soon as he’s ready have at him as often as you like. After all, no more nine month surprises.
At least there will be no more birth control issues!
Cat,
My hubby would never ever do it. However, I wish he would!
Oh I bet he’s afraid, and I can understand how you feel completely. Big hugs to both of you! Hope everything goes well and smoothly with little to no pain and that he’ll be up and running ASAP
I love the image you used for this posting! My husband has been putting this off for about 3 years now. He has looked up all of the horror stories online versus the good ones! I hope he will step up soon and make the appointment!
Your reasoning behind being scared is very beautiful and admirable. It takes a big person to set aside their wants for reality. I hope everything goes well!
Well good luck to Jon! And I totally understand your reasoning!
We’ve given a lot of thought to this as well. It’s so difficult! Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this issue that so many of us are going through!
My hubby just did this in January Adding Cranky pants to our Family was the last of the line and more SO MUCH MORE than I can handle. (U know that!)
IN all honesty my husband came home and said it didn’t HURt a bit He didn’t even feel it. (he’s a big baby too) and then when the annistesea (sp?) wore off he WAS sore. Make sure you have a few bags of Frozen peas, or corn in the house. and just have him switch off. NO babies standing on the lap!! foot slips off and hits the boys he’ll be singing Soprano. (lol) Hubby was back to work in 2 days in a truck bouncing the boys made him sore for another 4 days. HE said all in all it wasn’t bad AT ALL. oh the the boys hang a bit lower these day LOL.
TELL Hubby don’t worry its nothing like the pain you experienced squeezing a watermelon size baby out your crotch its kinda like a paper cut …. sore for a couple of days and then it goes away.
PS..DON”T HAVE SEX without a condom til after he’s all clear from the doc
YOU can still get pregnant.
HUBBY just got the all clear and I tell you WOooo whooo
WE “BRUSH OUR TEETH” OFTEN !! COME BY TO SEE WHAT BRUSH OUR TEETH MEANS I NEED COMMENTS
UR gonna LUV IT
NightOwlMama, you are always such a hoot!
I so understand what you’re going through! It’s tough, I know! I’m 59 and I’d give anything to have another one! There’s just something about a BABY!
Tell him to grow a pair! (and then get rid of them) Sheesh!
My mom assisted in my dad’s vasectomy–so really it could be weirder!
I know what you mean my husband refused after four childen to have one and I say we went through the hell of pregnancy and birth that is the least a man can do!
My first husband (aka “the sperm donor” – now my FORMER husband and having nothing to do with the children!) refused to get it done after I had two very difficult pregnancies and childbirths. Even though we knew we weren’t going to have anymore children. So, I went in and had my tubes tied even though it was more dangerous than a vasectomy.
It really is a simple procedure, with very little risk and makes for a much healthier sex life (once the doctor says you can have unprotected sex). Come on hubby – GO FOR IT!!! You can do it for your wife!!!
OMG! That is hilarious! Guess you can try again in a month or two and see how he feels then!
I think this is an incredibly inappropriate post. You run a blog which was created on the idea of helping growing families with smart products, good support and great ideas. It seems to me, that your blog is not a diary, but rather an integrative consumer report, infused with stories and advice. You have hundreds of readers who look to you for support and for guidance–and you’ve just given them a push in Who are you to say that because ” you should be a whole parent to one child (or three) than a partial parent to a bundle.” Perhaps your choice of words was poor, but it seems as though you are saying that parents with more than three children can only be part of a parent. I whole heartedly disagree with you. I grew up in a large family and I am unbelievably close with my parents and my sibilings. We didn’t have a lot of money, but it wasn’t and issue, and I think we were better and we grew closer without it. I am currently the mother of a 5 month old baby, and I cannot wait to have more children to love, to learn with and to watch grow up.
Family planning is an incredibly personal decision and choice that needs to be made between you and your husband… not shared for everyone to read over the internet. You should realize that the companies and products which you feature on your blog are affected by your words. I will stop reading your blog and patronizing your sponsors. I will also write each of your sponsors and share this with them.
In the future, please remember that your choice to share these family decisions over the web doesn’t simply effect you. I would encourage you reflect on this and not change your choices, but rather change the manner in which you express these life events.
I’m sorry to hear you feel that way and have taken my words out of context. When I speak on my blog, I’m speaking for only myself, not other women. I think large families are wonderful and if I thought we could do it financially and emotionally, I would ideally have five children. But for ME and OUR family, I know that’s not a responsible choice.
I very much doubt my blog sponsors will have an issue with a discussion on vasectomies but if they do, that’s their decision. My blog is mine and I write for me, not for the sponsors.
I wish you the best of luck in creating the family size that works for you and your spouse.
We opted for a IUD for now but the day will come when my husband will have to do this. It is hard at any age to give up having anymore children. Pregnancy and the first year of my kids life have been the best of my life. I will miss the baby thing. But I do know that they will be doing cool stuff for the rest of their life and I will get to share that with them even f that is without any more babies.
I totally know where you’re coming from, and I already have 6. I also have a bad back (broken tailbone keeps getting rebroken with pregnancy/delivery). My last baby made me feel like each contraction was breaking my pelvis. There are many reasons I keep considering my baby dude my last. But when it comes time for this snip? I will probably freak out myself. It’s just so permanent, and scary.
Ouch, ouch, ouch. You are supermom Lisa!
MY husband has a broken tailbone too! He is in pain ALL the time. What did your doc tell you to do for it?
And Cat, I love that post!! Men are such babies! It’s like a vasectomy is taking away their manhood somehow. It’s odd.
As for the snarky commenter above? GET A LIFE DEAR. My GOD how do readers think they have the right to tell you what you can and cannot write on YOUR blog?
Hey lady, it’s CAT’S PLACE not yours. So go suck it.
The hubs will get fixed eventually. I hope. LOL
Cat, I have 4 girls as you know and I NEVER took it the wrong way. Some women feel complete with 1 child while others feel complete with 10. You are complete with 3 and feel that you can handle 3. Other women can obviously handle 20 and be great. You are a remarkable mom and your hubby reminds me so much like mine! They’d get along great!
I’ve been there! My hubby actually got snipped not too long ago. The decision was agonizing and even the day of the appointment we were still questioning it. But, now that it’s done…. It’s great! I love KNOWING we’re done with that phase in our life. We can now plan on what we’re doing with bedrooms, vacations, vehicles, etc. Heck, I even bought 3 matching Christmas stockings without worrying if I should buy more, LOL. And yes, I love babies and sometimes feel bad when I see a new one. But, like you said, it just wouldn’t be responsible for us to have anymore. Anyway, the surgery was a piece of cake. My hubby had it done on a Friday and was back to work on Monday. Not nearly as bad as giving birth 3 times!! (Not to mention the pregnancies.) Good luck with whatever you end up doing!!
You do what is best for YOU and YOUR family! HUGS! I love your blog
Cat, I can’t believe he chickened out again! My husband had this done last year and it was not that bad for him. He was uncomfortable, but he is glad he did it.
FOR US, and obviously the same with YOU, we knew our limits, and we knew that two was it. Sure, I get the pangs when I see babies but when I look at my kids and realize that from this point forward my attention will not be directed away from them and at another baby I am actually excited about the future and the things I will get to experience with them. Some people have 7 kids (she is superwoman, I swear), some people have one – the decision is yours and obviously on your blog you are free to share that decision any way you see fit.
Maybe you need to go to the doctor’s office without him and see if they have any really attractive nurses. Take a picture and say “this is the nurse that will assist with the snipping” and see if that helps. LOL
First of all cat, totally freaking LMAO that a reader is telling you what you can and cannot write or feel. HILARIOUS.
Second, funnier that your DH chickened out.
I am a 2 and under mom. i would not want more then 2 kids and in fact, am happy with the one. I know what your saying.
trisha
Cat, I can totally understand where you’re coming from. I only have two and I feel like I can’t give them each the attention they want/deserve. Those with more than two, I give you all the credit in the world and then some. I would so love to have another baby but….I am finally feeling like I can do more things now that my boys are getting older. Not to mention that I am 37 and my patience is not what it was when I was in my 20′s LOL! The fact that you know your own limits and what you can and cannot handle speaks volumes. It shows that you are a responsible and loving mother who only wants the best for her children.