Tomorrow is the day we’ve been dreading. For several months now we’ve scheduled and canceled at least 3 previous appointments to have the vasectomy procedure done. Why? Good question.
From the husband’s perspective:
He’s afraid. Very Afraid. Who can blame him? While he’s not so much worried about never fathering a child again, he’s extremely worried about the pain. I would bet my life that it won’t be as bad as birthing three children, but can understand they are puncturing a very sensitive area.
From the wife’s perspective:
The idea of never having children with my husband EVER again is a tough pill to swallow. Am I really done? At 26, do I really know what I want? Can I be okay with never holding a sweet baby in my arms again and teaching him/her every little thing I know in hopes of them becoming the person I once aspired to be? The answer is probably not. But, and it’s a big one…children cost money, time, attention and slowly strip you of brain cells. While the woman in me screams “more babies”, the mom in me whispers “you should be a whole parent to one child (or three) than a partial parent to a bundle.” There’s always room in my heart to love another child, but there aren’t enough hands to pull them out of a busy intersection or cuddle with them as they drift to sleep.
Clarification to above statement since someone had to get their panties in a bunch – When I said that it was as it applies to ME, MYSELF, I…cannot be a whole parent to more than 3 children. I physically cannot spend the amount of time with each that I would want to, I can’t feed the baby and read my toddler a story, I can’t go out and throw the baseball with my son while my toddler is dragging me away to blow bubbles. Adding one more would stretch me so thin I wouldn’t be the “whole” parent to them as I define it.
Moms like Kadi and Lisa, have my total respect for being able to be great moms to more than 3 kids. I’m at the point where my kids don’t even go by their names any more because I always end up calling emma – kaydee and kaydee-emma, hell, I even called Jon – Mattison a few times.
For me, I know I can be a better mom to three than I could to four. I may silently cry as I read your birth stories but in my heart I know I’m doing what’s best for the children I do have.
Snip. Snip. 15 hours and counting.
UPDATE
Guess who chickened out? Yep, my husband AGAIN. boy oh boy…this is actually getting kind of funny. This doctor is going to think he’s nuts. LOL And to think he shaved for nothing. Ha!
About Cat Davis
Cat, you put it beautifully! We are dealing with this! Stoney is SCARED. He is afraid of doing it and needing more time off. He says “as a cop, I need to be able to perform at my best.” @@
Girl, I am right there with ya! As a mom of 3 as well I have my hands full yet can’t shake this crazy yearning to have another baby. I know something must be completely wrong with me when I cry in desperation at how overwhelmed my kids make me feel while at the same time I secretly want more! I’m 29 and I’m at a point in my life where I am ready to reconnect with my husband and actually have a life beyond my children yet I cry inside each time I hear of a newly pregnant friend or one who has just given birth. I guess we are truly wired to be baby making machines. Too bad they aren’t delivered w/ a fully loaded bank account and an extra pair of hands! While my husband and I have yet to make the decision to “snip snip” (he would do it tomorrow if I’d give him the thumbs up) I have been praying for a peace and contentment about ending the child count at 3. Some days I really think that I’m ok w/ it….until I see a newborn and then those feelings come flooding back. I honestly don’t think we will have more but I haven’t been able to take that step just yet. I pray that you will find peace with your decision and that all goes smoothly tomorrow!
Oh poor guy! I’m with ya though. My kids are 7 and 9, so I am at a point where I have more freedom and i love it. While I love babies and miss caring for them, the logical side of me says no!
Wow, big hugs! I’m sure it’s an emotional rollercoaster, and I think my DH will probably get the big V done when we are all done with kids, but I know we probably want 2 more, so it’s a ways down the road. I didn’t realize we are the same age
Maybe after it’s over he can talk my husband into it? He’s been putting it off for about 3 years now. I KNOW I’m done. I told my husband when we discussed having kids that when I’m 30 I’m done. I’ll be 30 this year. My goal was to still be young enough when my children leave home to enjoy the 2nd part of my life, and grandkids should they happen many years from now.
It is hard sometimes that I’ll never hold another baby that’s mine, rock them to sleep, swaddle them in a blanket, etc. But, I’m also done with 2am feedings, teething, and soon potty training. I get to take joy in holding the babies of friends and family now, and then the best part is I get to give the baby back to his or her parents when a bottle or diaper change is needed. It truly is a nice feeling.
My hubby got the “snip snip” two days before I gave birth to our fourth (who will be a year old in a few weeks). It was the best decision we ever made, although a hard one. He actually had an appointment after our third one, but ended up rescheduling and we ended up with baby #4!
We would love more kids, but I love what you said. So true! I would rather be “a whole parent to one child (or four) than a partial parent to a bundle”.
FYI, make sure he listens to his doctors instructions! My hubby was up way more than he should have been. Not that he could help it since I was giving birth, but he paid for it with lots of pain!
Cat,
I wish you and your hubby well! It’s clear that the both of you are able to do what many marriages are lacking…communicate on sensitive issues and reach difficult decisions together…I applaud you and respect your honesty in sharing such a sensitive and somewhat personal issue.Today will pass, it will become yesterday…on bad days, I like to say “yesterday never happened”. You are making a very difficult decision but you are making it for all of the right reasons.
Once again, thanks for sharing, thanks for being so open and honest!
When the time comes, hubby will have it done, too. After being in charge of all things birth control for so long, it will finally come to him…but I know it’s a tough decision to make!
Ouch! Condolences to your husband. It’s good that the two of you made the decision together. While I wonder how mothers of more than three children do it, I too silently cry for more children. I just pray for God to give me everything I need to love, nurture, and afford the three children we have. You’re right that they can keep you busy, but they’re worth every minute of it. Energy, I need more of it!
Fix your husband a couple of his favorite meals, nurse him back to health, and as soon as he’s ready have at him as often as you like. After all, no more nine month surprises.
At least there will be no more birth control issues!
Cat,
My hubby would never ever do it. However, I wish he would!
Oh I bet he’s afraid, and I can understand how you feel completely. Big hugs to both of you! Hope everything goes well and smoothly with little to no pain and that he’ll be up and running ASAP
I love the image you used for this posting! My husband has been putting this off for about 3 years now. He has looked up all of the horror stories online versus the good ones! I hope he will step up soon and make the appointment!
Your reasoning behind being scared is very beautiful and admirable. It takes a big person to set aside their wants for reality. I hope everything goes well!
Well good luck to Jon! And I totally understand your reasoning!
We’ve given a lot of thought to this as well. It’s so difficult! Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this issue that so many of us are going through!
My hubby just did this in January Adding Cranky pants to our Family was the last of the line and more SO MUCH MORE than I can handle. (U know that!)
IN all honesty my husband came home and said it didn’t HURt a bit He didn’t even feel it. (he’s a big baby too) and then when the annistesea (sp?) wore off he WAS sore. Make sure you have a few bags of Frozen peas, or corn in the house. and just have him switch off. NO babies standing on the lap!! foot slips off and hits the boys he’ll be singing Soprano. (lol) Hubby was back to work in 2 days in a truck bouncing the boys made him sore for another 4 days. HE said all in all it wasn’t bad AT ALL. oh the the boys hang a bit lower these day LOL.
TELL Hubby don’t worry its nothing like the pain you experienced squeezing a watermelon size baby out your crotch its kinda like a paper cut …. sore for a couple of days and then it goes away.
PS..DON”T HAVE SEX without a condom til after he’s all clear from the doc
YOU can still get pregnant.
HUBBY just got the all clear and I tell you WOooo whooo
WE “BRUSH OUR TEETH” OFTEN !! COME BY TO SEE WHAT BRUSH OUR TEETH MEANS I NEED COMMENTS
UR gonna LUV IT
NightOwlMama, you are always such a hoot!
I so understand what you’re going through! It’s tough, I know! I’m 59 and I’d give anything to have another one! There’s just something about a BABY!
Tell him to grow a pair! (and then get rid of them) Sheesh!
My mom assisted in my dad’s vasectomy–so really it could be weirder!
I know what you mean my husband refused after four childen to have one and I say we went through the hell of pregnancy and birth that is the least a man can do!