Note from Cat – This topic is in reference to my original article relating to the success of interracial marriages – Black Daddy, White Mommy. After receiving a comment (#27 on that post) that we felt was written from the heart and not intentionally inflammatory, we decided to openly address it to not bring attention to the commenter but to express personal feelings and thoughts directly from a “mixed” point of view. Read the original article here.
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Greetings, I’m Jon, Cat’s husband. Some of you, if not most of you are aware that I’m “mixed” (African American/Caucasian). I usually don’t post on Catherine’s blog as I don’t feel it is my place but I feel a moral obligation to do so in reference to a subject that has generated a few comments recently . It is such a rare opportunity that has presented itself to educate many.
As previously stated I’m a mixed male, my father is African American and my mother is Caucasian. My mother’s parents originally objected to the marriage and no longer had any relationship with my mother and father. Several years later I was born. Again, my grandparents made no attempt to form a relationship with me in any way. Now don’t get me wrong, my grandpa was not Archie Bunker, the hard core racist that he may sound like but he was at the time firmly against interracial marriages and children.
After much convincing, he made a step in the right direction and met my father. My grandpa was totally shocked, this “Black Man” isn’t so bad after all, he is educated, he is a professional, he is religious and he LOVES my daughter and treats her with respect and dignity. Now I did not learn of these things until I was old enough to understand. I began a relationship with my grandfather at the age of 3 or 4 so I really never knew the difference. I never felt mistreated, judged or any different than any of my cousins or white siblings from this side of the family. Actually I kinda felt a little better liked than some of my cousins.
My dad and my grandpa grew very close and a stereotype and prejudice was broken by my grandpa simply getting to know him for the MAN he is not the ” Black Man” that he appears to be. My grandpa passed away in 2004, several days before me and Catherine’s third wedding anniversary. My dad was deeply saddened by this as was I. You see my dad had become more of a son to grandpa than his own dirt bag leach of a son.
That’s right, I have a dirt bag uncle whom I have only seen twice and whom I have never spoken a word to in my thirty years of life. You see my mother’s brother is an extreme racist. The first time I ever saw him was when I was about 8 years old and we were at my grandparents for Thanksgiving. He walked in, saw us at the table and walked out. Being so young I can only assume that my grandpa didn’t tell him we were going to be there in an attempt to bring the whole family together. The second was at my grandpa’s funeral. As my grandpa began to fail he gave my mother and her brother one request….. “Don’t be estranged any longer, bring your two families together. Donald (my uncle) put your racist feelings aside, Get to know Harv (my father). He is a great man and get to know Jon he is a great young man. My mother did her best to honor her father’s wishes but to no avail. I still don’t know her brother after thirty years.
There have been many statements made about the children feeling out of place or looked at differently. Now I’m not a naive person after being a Police Officer for the past 8 years, 3 1/2 of which were served in the city rated the Crime Capital of the nation.
During my time I have seen and been subjected to much racism on all ends – from both black and white. But growing up as child I have never felt any different than any other child. I did not feel out of place because of my race, to be completely honest it never presented itself as a problem. The key to this was my parents and other parents who taught thier children to look at a person based upon their character and there actions, not the color of their skin.
On the rare occasion of having to deal with race ( there were a few kids in my neighborhood raised with extremist views) my simple reply was ” So I guess you can only hate half of me since I’m half white too, which half would you like to hate? ….I just have the best of both worlds.” I usually got no response as the simple minded could not come up with a comeback.
When I first met Catherine it was my mother and father all over again. Catherine’s parents strongly disagreed with the the mixing of races. To Catherine and I it did not matter…We were in Love, we were human beings all created the same in God’s image. After taking the first steps of meeting me they came around, again stereotypes were broken, Jon’s not so bad, he is nice, polite, comes from a good family, career minded and he LOVES our daughter. Once they got to know me as a MAN and not the “black man” I appeared to be, all of their stereotypes and prejudice were broken.
I know I’m a little long winded here but the Moral of the story is this…..
Everyone was created equally. We all have the same struggles. We all deal with the same issues. We are all humans.
ALL MEN/WOMEN ARE CREATED EQUAL, WE ALL HAVE THE SAME STRUGGLES WE ALL DEAL WITH THE SAME ISSUES, WE ARE HUMANS. DON’T JUDGE SOMEONE ON THEIR RACE. JUDGE THEM FOR WHO THEY ARE. AS A FATHER IF ONE MY LITTLE GIRLS COMES HOME WITH AN AFFRICAN AMERICAN, CAUCASION, LATINO OR ARABIC BOY FRIEND HE WILL BE JUDGED ON WHO HE IS, HOW DOES HE TREAT MY DAUGHTER AND WILL HE MAKE SURE HE DOES EVERYTHING IN HIS POWER TO MAKE SURE SHE HAS EVERYTHING SHE WANTS AND NEEDS NOT THE COLOR OF HIS SKIN. IT’S 2009 PEOPLE IT IS TIME TO UNITE AS HUMANS AND ADDRESS ALL OUR ISSUES AND PUT RACE ASIDE.
Thanks for letting me rant Cat we can go to the store now !!
About Cat Davis
Cat,
You and Jon (as seen from his words here) are going to be the difference in your children’s lives. It’s not a race issue, but rather a parental issue, and definitely not a sin to bring biracial children – any child – into the world. I’m a Christian, but I’m not getting that information from my Bible as is Morningstar. It’s always interesting that people who are the most slanted in their thoughts on an issue, have the least experience in the matter; raising biracial children. It is unfortunate that her family is being torn apart (I will pray for her and her family), but she needs to consider the problems she is experiencing may be a result, as she stated, of how “I was brought up to believe…” rather than what everyone else in the world really thinks.
Every child is going to experience some difficult time in their life whether it be because of how they look/don’t look, can/can’t do, did/didn’t do, but what is going to make the difference is the shapers – parents, extended relatives, etc. – in their lives who help them realize their potential and realize their value. Good thing Obama’s nurturing foundation was strong enough to get him over having one door slammed in his face, which I’m sure wasn’t the worst he ever experienced. “Simple Minds,” isn’t just one of my favorite 80’s group, unfortunately it’s also the mind-set of many people who just don’t get it; it’s about character and not about race.
I won’t repeat it, but everything that Jon said in his last paragraph!!!
You two make a great team. You may need to let him post more often.
Awesome post!!!!!
I was one of the fortunte few in myneck of the woods that was raised to believe that you don’t judge a person based on the color of their skin, but instead on their actions and their whole self. It is so sad that too many people still judge based on color. The bible says we were ALL created in the image of God. Not just the whites, not just the Jews, not just the blacks. No where does God say that only one race was created in His image. Your children are going to grow up with an awesome attitude about people thanks to your influence!
Jon’s awesome!
God created all different shapes, sizes and colors because otherwise the world would be a very boring place. I have a family full of colors and my kids don’t think anything of it. It’s a shame that some people are still being raised that it matters here in 2009.
Since we have a very similar family situation, I appreciate that you’ve taken the opportunity to share this.
Very, very well said Jon!
Thank you, Jon for that great post.
Great job voicing this Jon. It is sad that people still feel ill towards mixed marriages/couples/children etc.
Great Post Jon. Very well said.
Yay, you unleashed hubby! lol Well said, Jon! Well said!
I think it is disgusting that in this day and age people have the audacity to even dare speak poorly of someone based on their race. Jon said it right, we are all human beings. We all have the same color blood running through our identical veins. This world is a mixed wonderful place. There is no ‘white’ anymore because those people that appear white are usually a mixed breed themselves. My mom is Brazilian and her blood has so many mixes of races in it. My father is Uruguayan and has mixes of Spanish and Brazilian in his blood. My husband is Cuban and has black in his family as well. My kids may appear to have olive skin but an awesome mixture of different, beautiful races in their blood. I don’t even think it should be legal for people to ask you for your race on documents anymore because what is the reasoning behind it? You are either black, white or nothing. How about other?
I feel very strongly about this issue because it angers me that there are still so many prejudices that exist today. We should all be united as humans, not divided by race.
As for the person commenting on the original post (#27). It is very sad that her ignorance is blinding her and allowing her to make such gross judgements.
PS: Cat, you have a BEAUTIFUL family!!
Soooo very well said! Kudos to Jon for a great, truthful, honest post!
Cat, you are one lucky lady!
That is an amazing post Jon and very well said. I think we create our own struggles and not that they are created for us.
Jon I agree with you completely.
I can tell you this, I know my family and my in-laws would be the same as the commenter on the other post. I don’t get them. I don’t see what is the need for the hate and hurt.
They all object to my teaching our child that we are all the same, they make little remarks and it makes me snap. It’s not right, I want my daughter to grow up thinking of people and how they are, their personality not the color.
World is crazy, I just hope the pressure will stop!
GREAT post!! Thanks for sharing so wonderful thoughts!!
Well and heartfully said! I wish you had been on the force in Marion, Ohio when my bi-racial 6 yr old daughter was molested and the perv was not charged!
Thanks for the wonderful post Jon. I was in a mixed marriage and for many years my family disowned me. Too man years were lost. So sad. You need to post more often Jon.
what a fantastic post!
stopping by from BFPR to say congrats on your blog of the month nom
Wow, I read this post then reread the post that caused this one. I am shocked! I come from a very, very, very racist family & neighborhood but even growing up I never told that this was a biblical issue…just preference. Now that I’ve grown and sat through 5 years of Bible education I can say that I feel confident that racism, or divided races is not in the Bible. The tower of Babel was a completely different issue. We are all from the same race. Here, listen to this clip from AnswersinGenesis.org’s Ken Ham. http://www.answersingenesis.org/media/audio/answers-daily/volume-088/genetics-confirms-one-race
I am so glad you posted, Jon! I think we have all been blessed by reading your post. A wonderful and kind response.