I’ve got a strange relationship with breastfeeding my kids. Every single one has been a different adventure that has become very emotional for me. I’m sure many of you ladies can back me up on this…there’s a lot of guilt and pressure associated with breastfeeding. The sad part of all of it is we often bring it on ourselves, which I’m very guilty of. I don’t necessarily feel pressure from family, friends, or my pediatrician to breastfeed, I feel the pressure from myself. I know that it’s best for my child and if I fail, I feel like I’ve failed at being a mother. That’s a pretty absurd thought don’t you think?
I guess I bring this up because I’m struggling right now. My thoughts are tugging back and forth between continuing to breastfeed because it’s the best thing to do and giving up to save my sanity. Having a toddler and a newborn is 10x harder than I ever imagined it would be, and my glass was half empty when I thought about the bumpy road ahead. Part of the problem is the bottles of formula we’ve been supplementing with once or twice a day. She’s become accustomed to the instant gratification of a bottle that when she latches to my breast and milk doesn’t flow immediately she gets frustrated. In turn I get stressed and the milk takes even longer to let down. I’ve created my own misery that I’m not sure I have the strength to fix right now.
So while I’m struggling with my thoughts on what to do, I thought I would write out my breastfeeding “Loves” and “Hates” in hopes of making the decision more clear for me. And if you have any you want to add, feel free to tell me, I could use all the support I can get right now.
I love breastfeeding because:
- the bond we share while looking into each others eyes can’t be duplicated.
- of the warm fuzzy feeling I get snuggled up next to her.
- knowing that every ounce added to her weight was something I gave her.
- it’s free.
- it helps me lose that extra baby weight by burning up so many calories. (I know, totally shallow reason)
- I know how happy it makes her to have mommy’s milk. (she doesn’t really care for the formula taste and I don’t blame her)
- she isn’t nearly as gassy and in discomfort as she is with formula.
- I know that my milk is a living organism made just for her and it’s 100% safe.
- I’m too lazy to fix bottles and it’s just plain easier.
I hate breastfeeding because:
- I feel so confined and tied down especially when I’m alone and our toddler is getting into everything.
- it can be so frustrating when she gets too anxious for the milk.
- I can’t leave her with friends or family to have a night away from the kids.
- I get nauseous every time my milk lets down because of hormones.
Clearly the good outweighs the bad. I suppose I’m just having one of those days where the stress of having two young children is getting to me. This too shall pass right?
About Cat Davis
I appreciated reading this post. I am glad to hear I am not alone. I have been struggling with some of the same pros/cons. Everyday I tell myself just make it thorugh one more day. Isn’t it interesting how rarely people talk about the frustrations associated with breastfeeding, leaving us to think we are crazy if we don’t feel all warm and fuzzy about it all the time?
Thinking of you…good luck!
I struggle with this and want to quit some days, too. And, unfortunately, I am not able to stay home with my girls, so I pump 3 times a day. So, I completely understand how they get frustrated with the instant gratification of a bottle.
One thing that might help, is you can get away and just pump for that feeding. Maybe that won’t leave you feeling so tied down? Just a suggestion.
I keep telling myself 6 more months and I can do it.
Do you have a goal? Maybe setting a goal would help so you have a deadline?
You are not alone with your love/hate relationship. I appreciate your honesty and I know a lot of other moms can relate to you. In the end, as a current b-feeding mom, I support whatever decision you make…But the best advice I can give is don’t make any decision out of fear or guilt – make your decision in love (you’re her mom, so you will always LOVE, but let love drive your decision, not fear). Wishing you all the best!
Your at that point I was when my Cranky pants was almost 3m old. You know what Cat, she nurse longer and less often the older she gets. Pumping can be an option for u too. IF you pump and store you’ll not have to sit as often and can allow others to care for her so you can get out with hubby for a few hours. I always said to myself just one more month and that’s it. THE list that u made is exactly all the reasons I kept breastfeeding. My cranky pants doesn’t know what to do with a artificial nipple so we never switched to bottle. Its one day at a time. Not only are the neg getting to you but the pressure’s of keeping up a blog, lack of sleep and over whelming house work that never seems to go away. HUGS its never easy but we work it one day at a time. That’s why we are the Mom’s and not the dad’s. I don’t think they could ever fill our shoe’s. <>
Maybe you could consider self-expressing a little before latching her on so the milk has already started flowing. Or pump and feed her that in a bottle as others have suggested, althoguh if you do that and she is already used to a bottle she might end up preferring that and then your breastfeeding relationship might end sooner.Hm. It’s a tough situation for moms. Do you *have* to supplement? Because the more she takes a bottle the less milk you will make because your breasts will start producing less milk because your breasts will think that they don’t need to produce more, which can create the cycle it sounds like you are getting into. I wish you the best of luck. Come on over and visit my site or my links if you need anymore support.
Breast-feeding is a lot of work. I’m jealous of the women who can just go away for a night/week without worrying about their boobs and baby being seperated. But at the same time it’s only one year or so of my life. You’re still in the beginning stages of breast-feeding. It gets even easier as time goes on. If you can cut down on the supplmenting it will solve some of the problems with her frustration and gassiness.
It is busy having a toddler and a newborn but for the most part if you are home alone with them it will be quicker to just breast-feed than prepare a bottle. Plus breast-feeding only takes one arm while it usually takes two to feed a bottle. Have you looked into slings? I know women who walk around while breast-feeding and that would help you be less confined. Maybe give your toddler a snack or let her watch a tv show or have a special box of toys while you are nursing. I noticed that my toddler knew to take advantage of the time I was sitting down nursing.
It sounds like you already know you want to breastfeed, hopefully the encouragement helps
Because I am back to work I have to pump now and Sarah will take the bottle from me, her dad or my sister..no one else. It’s cute to see my step kids’ try but no go for them
Pumping takes me about 10 minutes to do both breasts…and then I store it either in the fridge if I know I will be going to work that day and can’t feed her or freezer if I know I will be around. But it’s so darn nice that I can do this.
I have a great friend who’s son refuses to breast feed because of the let down issue vs instant gratification from the bottle. So she pumps six or so times a day and just straight bottle feeds her son breast milk. It’s a thought
((HUGS)) Good luck,
I appreciate your honesty. It can be tough! My toddler thinks feeding time is time to harass the cats, stand on the table, etc… so I get you there! Hang in there, it is hard but truly the best for you precious little girl. I keep telling myself that I can do this, this is the milk made for my baby , unless I absolutely have to I will not take the chance with replacers! Everyone else gave the great ideas of pumping and such. It does get easier. Good luck!
I felt the same way with my boys. They were HIGH demand feeders and I just wanted my body and personal space back. Here’s what I did. When I got to the point where I thought I couldn’t take it anymore, I gave it 2 more weeks. If I still felt like that after 2 more weeks, then I made the change. I ended up sticking it out both times until my milk dried up. I know that sounds like a feat, but it was only 3 months with the first and 6 weeks with the 2nd. My boys nursed every hour for about 30-40 min each time. You can see where this left me – with 20-30 min to myself out of every hour during the day. It was insanity at its finest. Especially the 2nd time around.
My sister and I talk about this often. I too often refer to my love/hate relationship with breastfeeding. And, the pressure is all from me, myself and I. Plus, I get lazy and breastfeeding is often just easier.
My 8 month old gets so distracted that he’s on/off/on/off, especially when his older (3 yrs) brother is around that he won’t eat properly. And he still wakes up to eat twice in the night. We are stopping that this week though. The kid weighs over 20 lbs…he doesn’t need to eat so much at night.
My older son weened himself at 10 months (He just refused to nurse…wanted to walk around with his bottle), so I’m hoping that my 8 month old will do the same so I won’t have to make that decision!
Plus, he’s only ever liked to eat off one side, though I can get him to eat off the other side, just not for very long. So, I’m very lopsided. It’s annoying.
So, I feel your pain. Good luck!
Okay, I just read your post a little closer as I didn’t realize you were in the early stages, so I just want to add a little something. For me, it did get easier. I had a harder time with my 2nd one than my first one. Really painful letdowns, etc. But, it does become just second nature. That being said, it doesn’t for everyone. You have to do what works for you, your baby and your family. I have several friends who tried it and it just didn’t work for them. I worked with a woman who used to teach birthing classes and she used to tell her class, “it’s not whether you breastfeed or formula feed, it’s how you parent”. I believe this to be true.
Good luck.
I can definitely relate to what you are saying. When I first had my son the biggest shock to me was how HARD breastfeeding really is. Honestly labor was nothing compared to nursing in my opinion, but I was so determined to do it. I knew it was best, all of my friends did it, and it just seemed the right thing to do. Little did I know that I was going to be so completely miserable. It was so painful that just knowing I would have to feed my son would cause so much stress that I couldn’t let down right away. By the end of every feeding both of us were usually crying. I did everything I could think of. I had a lactation consultant coming to my house daily, she was amazing but nothing was helping. I tried breast shields, pumping first (and after!), hot showers, self expressing milk first, creams and anything else anyone suggested. I wanted to stop everyday, but I felt horrible guilt for being selfish and not putting my child first.
Well, after awhile it took its toll. With pumping and nursing every 30-45 minutes to keep my milk up trying to make it easier I was feeling physically and emotionally drained. And with a schedule like that even a trip to the grocery store took too long. Fianlly I decided that I had to stop and even though I still feel a little guilty it was the best thing for me. My husband, family and friends noticed and instant change in my demeanor. I was happy to be a mom and I was happy in general. I know there are those who say just stick it out, and I would never tell someone to stop, it’s a personal decision. But for me it was the best decision. It helped me a lot though to have even my friends who had nursed tell me I wasn’t a failure or a bad person because it didn’t work for us. Even through formula feeding my son is bonded to me. He knows his mom and no one else can take my place. Also my husband had a chance to bond with our son too through late night feedings etc, and he loved that opportunity. My son is healthy, happy, smart, and all the things we want for our kids. I don’t know how it will go with my next child but I know I will still be a good mom and have amazing kids no matter how I choose to feed them.
Good luck and know you aren’t alone in your struggles!!
I also have a toddler (15 month old) and a newborn (7 week old) and I share your pain. I have had issues with supply with both my children as it was, but this time around has been so much harder. We also have had to supplement some which has created issues of course with nursing and my slower flow. I feel horrible guilt when I think how much I hate nursing sometimes. I read it as “I hate feeding my child” which isnt how it is but thats how it seems and boy do I feel guilty. I have found a medium ground I am okay with by pumping. I pump every 2 hours during the day and then direct feed at night and if I dont have a bottle ready. She gets a mix of bottles of formula and breastmilk during the day due to supply. Its not a great solution but at least I dont mind pumping and she is still getting the benefits of breastmilk without me losing my sanity.
I don’t have much advice for you because I stopped early with both of my boys – for my sanity LOL I empathize though. I beat myself up bad with guilt over it all…even though all of us were happier with bottles.
Cat,
I had a challenge w/my first child and gave up so easily. I prayed that, w/my next child, I would be able to nurse her as long as possible. My prayers were answered and she stayed on for more than two years. She left the breast and went straight to table food (table food started before I stopped). My third (30mths) is still hanging on and I’m ready for him to stop. I believe it is mostly for comfort. Due to a lot of recent changes in our lifestyle, I allowed him to hang on. Recently, the pacifier was lost, so he is getting a double whammy; weaning from the breast and the pacifier simultaneously. I hope we both can stand the withdrawal.
Well just a few thoughts from me….Advice is always easier said than done…but I hope you can stop worrying so much and give yourself a huge pat on the back. You have just carried that little angel for nine months and obviously did a great job. And in the process possibly gave up sleep,unhealthy foods, caffeine, and more than likely your waistline! I know I sure did ! Its all worth it I know. My little girl was a preemie, 4 pounds, and all I heard was ” you have to, to keep her healthy” Very blessed…she already was. No complications at all. My boob was bigger than her! And they wanted me to shove it in that tiny mouth..lol. I thought I would smother her. I ended up using a pump and it all worked out great. No pressure for on the spot feedings, and i could leave the house alone for time by myself. And she got what she needed. She is a healtyh six year old today. So…I guess what I am saying is…Keeping your sanity is the healthiest thing you can do for your kids…because they turn into teens and drives a little crazy anyway.LOL
Cat, this is a great post and I love hearing your honesty! I struggled so bad too, especially in the beginning months. Olivia needed to eat more, and it seemed every time she needed to eat Ryan would need something as well. I felt torn. It has passed. Ryan has gotten used to it and Olivia nurses a lot less. I can totally relate to your feelings though.
I’m there with you sister. I’ve got a 6 month old and a 2.5 yr old, and it really wears on me sometimes. I feel like the toddler watches way too much TV to compensate for the time I’m stuck with the Boob Remora. I love my kiddos dearly, but I’m glad I got my tubes tied.
Good luck, nothing lasts forever.
I had the same love/hate relationship with nursing. The growth spurts always made me insane. I too got nauseated when I had let down, and my let down hurt sooooo bad. It took my breath away. I hope things get easier!
I think the worse part of breast feeding are the women who try and make you feel like a bad mother because you may not love doing it, or it doesn’t come easy to you. Or your milk stops earlier than you wanted and you have to use formula. I guess they assume every woman is the same when it comes to breastfeeding (can you tell I have some issues about this! LOL)
When it comes down to it, do what you think is best for you and the rest of the family!