31 Weeks

So I was reading on Baby Center about how my pregnancy is supposedly developing at this point. Yes, after 3 kids I still read those things. It says that my baby should be around 3 1/2 lbs and is heading for a growth spurt. WHAT?!? Noooo…I can’t handle any more growth spurts. As you can see below, I already look like I’m carrying a full term baby. I compared my progression photos from my pregnancy with Kaydence to my current one with Emmaleigh and I’m already as big as I was with Kaydence at 38 weeks. I don’t think my skin or body can physically take anymore! I know “they”, whomever “they” are, say that subsequent children are typically larger. That scares me a bit. My first was 9lbs even, my second was 8lbs 13oz,  just slightly smaller….so it didn’t quite hold true for me. But it does show that no matter what I’m going to have big babies. I’ve got this erie feeling Emma is going to break that 9lb barrier if she keeps up like this, especially since I’ve got 9 more weeks to go.

So now for the fun details of me emotionally. To sum things up, not so good. I feel like I’m holding a 50lb ball of stress over my head most days. A few things are making the addition of a third child difficult for us.

1. We don’t have our baby supplies. In previous pregnancies we had already stocked up on dozens of boxes of diapers and wipes. Enough to get us through the first few months. We’ve really been slacking there and with buying Kaydee’s diapers just never had the extra funds to do it. We have yet to buy a crib matress or car seat. The crib matress, not so big of a deal since we’ll co-sleep for the first few months, but if Jon doesn’t get on the ball with saving for the car seat. With clothes, we just have to wing it. We have a few donated from very sweet friends (thanks Rachel and Dayna!) but not many. We kinda hit bad luck with having our girls during opposite seasons.
2. Our baby Emma is due right at tax season. Double whammy!  With the addition of her hospital delivery bill and our crappy deductible we get one nasty bill from them. Being self-employed I get hit hard when taxes are due. And because we are a paycheck to paycheck family, saving back money for taxes is really difficult. It’s sad to say, but we’re still on a payment plan with IRS trying to pay off last years taxes before the new ones are due.
3. I’m just not sure how our family is going to adjust. I know it’s probably a silly worry, but I just don’t want our other children to feel neglected by the attention a newborn needs. I worry that my lack of sleep is going to make it difficult to give Kaydence the one on one time she is use to and the time I spend helping our son with homework.

Then there’s more…tired of me being whiny yet?….I’m hurting. My body is really taking a beating this time. Getting up in the middle of the night to pee is agony. I sometimes close my eyes and hope the urge to go will just disappear only to wake back up 10 minutes later kicking myself for not going the first time because now it’s worse. During my first pregnancy I tore an upper abdominal muscle that has scar tissue. Last night it went into a spasm that I can only describe as feeling like someone has put a lit flame to your skin while the muscle tightens harden than a diamond. My husband must have thought I was shot by the screams that came out of my mouth after that one.

Don’t get me wrong, this pregnancy isn’t all complaints. I smile and fill with such joy every time I feel her little legs and arms squirm all about. I can’t wait to see what she looks like, who she is, if she’ll look like her siblings, it’s all such a great mystery.