Today on our way back from the park with our daughter my husband and I finally talked out some of our worries and fears. It didn’t help much, but it was nice to express some of my feelings about this pregnancy to him.
It all started when we drove by the Chevrolet dealership to see the new Traverse. We thought it might be the perfect alternative to a minivan. Sadly, to get 2nd row bucket seats and third row seating in it would cost us nearly 40k. That’s 5k more than the Honda Odyssey. We’re not looking to spend over 30k on a new vehicle, that would completely eliminate the purpose of going down to one vehicle like we did financially. The bigger problem we realized lies in the 07 Aura I have. We owe 4k more than it’s trade in value which would result in a nasty add on to a new loan that we really, really don’t want to do.
This little discussion moved on to bigger things. My husband philosophy is that things will work themselves out. Sorry, I find it hard to believe that. While I love the little life growing inside of me, it’s tearing me apart knowing that this baby is going to hurt us severely financially and even more so that we can’t provide what this baby needs.
Everyday I’m pulled into this sadness that I thought I had left behind years ago. We just weren’t prepared and I feel so stupid that at 25 I could let this happen again (unplanned pregnancy). We were okay with just two…now we feel so burdened and I feel even more awful thinking that.
Today I started going through boxes of clothes trying to figure out what the new baby could use when it dawned on me that the new baby will be born in the winter, the complete opposite of our daughter, so almost NONE of her clothes are going fit for the season. We’re back to buying clothes all over again. Then there’s the crib, car seat, stroller, the list goes on and on and we don’t have a dime for any of it. Every time we save a chunk of money to purchase an item from the list, a new problem comes up and we have to dig into savings. Like the thermostat…it of course had to go and brake (only 2 years old) and we had to dig the last 100 bucks out of savings to get a new one. This is insanely frustrating.
All this could have been avoided with a simple friggin condom.
I can’t help with the car issue but I can go through Betsy’s clothes and baby things to see what I can find. She was a winter baby too. I’ll bring them up when we come to visit at the end of the month. Try not to worry so much. It’s not good for you or the baby.
I really do know how you feel — we have five children and unexpected number 6 on the way — this is something I wrote on my blog: http://fiveflowermom.blogspot.com/2008/06/when-life-takes-you-by-surprise.html
There are lots of resources too, Craigslist, Freecycle and lawn sales are great!
Do discuss your worries and find solutions … the car is an issue, we had to buy another bench seat for our minivan and it is ‘tight’ but it will work! I think finding peace with your feelings is the first step or at least for me it was!
Your in my thoughts.
I can tell you right now that your situation is do able and that providing for 3 kids does not cost that much more than providing for 2. You don’t need a minivan. We have a 5 seater car and have 3 car seats in the back. True, they are packed in there as tight as can be, but it works. We put our 7 year old in her booster in the middle, so that we have easy access to the two younger ones on each side.
If you really feel like you cannot live with the smaller car, wait until you get your tax returns and then put your car up for sale on craigslist for the private party value. Sell the car, and go to the bank with the buyer and use your tax return to pay off the remainder of the loan. If you have any money left over, use it to buy a new used car off of craigslist for from a dealer or put it toward a down payment on a car. We did this very thing with a car we needed to get rid of to buy a commuter car. We had enough of a tax return that we could pay off what we still owed on the loan and completely outright buy a used car from craigslist, which we have had for 2 years now with not a problem and it gets better gas mileage.
If you are worried about money, buying a $30,000 new car when you are already building a new house and trying to sell your old one isn’t the way to go. The only good debt for you to have is your house because it will, eventually, build equity. Don’t buy things that you cannot pay for in cash. You just build up monthly payments that you cannot afford. Believe me, I know how quickly it can snowball. My husband and I were $45,000 in debt at the end of last year. Our car payment was $378 a month along with another $200 -$300 a month in credit card payments. We owe like $17,000 on our BRAND NEW CAR WHO’S VALUE HAS DROPPED TO $7,000. Never ever ever buy a new car for this very reason. Anyways, long story short, God really stepped in and helped us by way of my husband’s dad and step mom. Literally out of nowhere they called us up one day and told us that they needed to refinance their house anyways and wanted to use the equity to pay off our debt. Yes, we still owe them for what they paid for but by them doing that, they were able to take what we owed and stretched it out over 30 years, making our payment $250 a month instead of $600 or $700 a month.
As far as buying a car, buy a toyota, scion, or honda. They retain their value much higher than other cars and are also the best cars mechanically on the road.
I have found a great source of income in a pinch to be craigslist. If you look around your house, I am sure you can find little extras you can sell. You could sell Caidence’s old baby clothes to buy ones that will fit this baby. You can get great clothes at garage sales for a quarter a piece. As far as diapers go, you can go to walmart and buy huge boxes of diapers for like $13 if you buy the store brand. If you cut little corners and are savy, you can make this work. We even got to a point with our boys where they could wear the same size diapers and we were able to share boxes between to two.
Also, I know that you feel like you have gotten yourself into a situation you can’t handle but honestly, I believe that God does not allow a life to being that wasn’t meant to be on this earth. I also believe that he will never give you more than you can handle. He saw it fit for you and your family to have this little blessing and he would never give this child to you if it meant you couldn’t take care of it.
I just wanted to say before I go that you should check on ebay or half.com and see if you can get your hands on a copy of The Total Money Makeover by Dave Ramsey. I think it would be an incredible tool for you and your husband in your financial situation. I will be praying for you. *hugs*
Rachel, thank you so much, any little bit would be a big help. What size is Betsy in now? We’ve got a bunch of winter clothes but they are all in the 6 – 12 mos area.
Amy, I will definitely stop by and read that. I’d love to hear your experience!
Sarah, Thanks for the confidence, I just wish I could wrap my head around jumping on board with the amount you and my husband have. The tax returns would be a great idea if we didn’t end up owing several thousand each year. I’m still getting caught up from last year because of my home business. I’ve never tried craigslist, usually just ebay, but I may have to look a little more in depth at it.
Eek..i’m sorry you are going through this. I’m somewhat in the same position. We’re incredibly strapped for money and none of Cami’s clothes would fit Carrah as they are being born in opposite seasons. I don’t have any advice, but just trust that everything will work out. HUGS