Note from Cat – This topic is in reference to my original article relating to the success of interracial marriages – Black Daddy, White Mommy. After receiving a comment (#27 on that post) that we felt was written from the heart and not intentionally inflammatory, we decided to openly address it to not bring attention to the commenter but to express personal feelings and thoughts directly from a “mixed” point of view. Read the original article here.
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Greetings, I’m Jon, Cat’s husband. Some of you, if not most of you are aware that I’m “mixed” (African American/Caucasian). I usually don’t post on Catherine’s blog as I don’t feel it is my place but I feel a moral obligation to do so in reference to a subject that has generated a few comments recently . It is such a rare opportunity that has presented itself to educate many.
As previously stated I’m a mixed male, my father is African American and my mother is Caucasian. My mother’s parents originally objected to the marriage and no longer had any relationship with my mother and father. Several years later I was born. Again, my grandparents made no attempt to form a relationship with me in any way. Now don’t get me wrong, my grandpa was not Archie Bunker, the hard core racist that he may sound like but he was at the time firmly against interracial marriages and children.
After much convincing, he made a step in the right direction and met my father. My grandpa was totally shocked, this “Black Man” isn’t so bad after all, he is educated, he is a professional, he is religious and he LOVES my daughter and treats her with respect and dignity. Now I did not learn of these things until I was old enough to understand. I began a relationship with my grandfather at the age of 3 or 4 so I really never knew the difference. I never felt mistreated, judged or any different than any of my cousins or white siblings from this side of the family. Actually I kinda felt a little better liked than some of my cousins.
My dad and my grandpa grew very close and a stereotype and prejudice was broken by my grandpa simply getting to know him for the MAN he is not the ” Black Man” that he appears to be. My grandpa passed away in 2004, several days before me and Catherine’s third wedding anniversary. My dad was deeply saddened by this as was I. You see my dad had become more of a son to grandpa than his own dirt bag leach of a son.
That’s right, I have a dirt bag uncle whom I have only seen twice and whom I have never spoken a word to in my thirty years of life. You see my mother’s brother is an extreme racist. The first time I ever saw him was when I was about 8 years old and we were at my grandparents for Thanksgiving. He walked in, saw us at the table and walked out. Being so young I can only assume that my grandpa didn’t tell him we were going to be there in an attempt to bring the whole family together. The second was at my grandpa’s funeral. As my grandpa began to fail he gave my mother and her brother one request….. “Don’t be estranged any longer, bring your two families together. Donald (my uncle) put your racist feelings aside, Get to know Harv (my father). He is a great man and get to know Jon he is a great young man. My mother did her best to honor her father’s wishes but to no avail. I still don’t know her brother after thirty years.
There have been many statements made about the children feeling out of place or looked at differently. Now I’m not a naive person after being a Police Officer for the past 8 years, 3 1/2 of which were served in the city rated the Crime Capital of the nation.
During my time I have seen and been subjected to much racism on all ends – from both black and white. But growing up as child I have never felt any different than any other child. I did not feel out of place because of my race, to be completely honest it never presented itself as a problem. The key to this was my parents and other parents who taught thier children to look at a person based upon their character and there actions, not the color of their skin.
On the rare occasion of having to deal with race ( there were a few kids in my neighborhood raised with extremist views) my simple reply was ” So I guess you can only hate half of me since I’m half white too, which half would you like to hate? ….I just have the best of both worlds.” I usually got no response as the simple minded could not come up with a comeback.
When I first met Catherine it was my mother and father all over again. Catherine’s parents strongly disagreed with the the mixing of races. To Catherine and I it did not matter…We were in Love, we were human beings all created the same in God’s image. After taking the first steps of meeting me they came around, again stereotypes were broken, Jon’s not so bad, he is nice, polite, comes from a good family, career minded and he LOVES our daughter. Once they got to know me as a MAN and not the “black man” I appeared to be, all of their stereotypes and prejudice were broken.
I know I’m a little long winded here but the Moral of the story is this…..
Everyone was created equally. We all have the same struggles. We all deal with the same issues. We are all humans.
ALL MEN/WOMEN ARE CREATED EQUAL, WE ALL HAVE THE SAME STRUGGLES WE ALL DEAL WITH THE SAME ISSUES, WE ARE HUMANS. DON’T JUDGE SOMEONE ON THEIR RACE. JUDGE THEM FOR WHO THEY ARE. AS A FATHER IF ONE MY LITTLE GIRLS COMES HOME WITH AN AFFRICAN AMERICAN, CAUCASION, LATINO OR ARABIC BOY FRIEND HE WILL BE JUDGED ON WHO HE IS, HOW DOES HE TREAT MY DAUGHTER AND WILL HE MAKE SURE HE DOES EVERYTHING IN HIS POWER TO MAKE SURE SHE HAS EVERYTHING SHE WANTS AND NEEDS NOT THE COLOR OF HIS SKIN. IT’S 2009 PEOPLE IT IS TIME TO UNITE AS HUMANS AND ADDRESS ALL OUR ISSUES AND PUT RACE ASIDE.
Thanks for letting me rant Cat we can go to the store now !!
Cat,
You and Jon (as seen from his words here) are going to be the difference in your children’s lives. It’s not a race issue, but rather a parental issue, and definitely not a sin to bring biracial children – any child – into the world. I’m a Christian, but I’m not getting that information from my Bible as is Morningstar. It’s always interesting that people who are the most slanted in their thoughts on an issue, have the least experience in the matter; raising biracial children. It is unfortunate that her family is being torn apart (I will pray for her and her family), but she needs to consider the problems she is experiencing may be a result, as she stated, of how “I was brought up to believe…” rather than what everyone else in the world really thinks.
Every child is going to experience some difficult time in their life whether it be because of how they look/don’t look, can/can’t do, did/didn’t do, but what is going to make the difference is the shapers – parents, extended relatives, etc. – in their lives who help them realize their potential and realize their value. Good thing Obama’s nurturing foundation was strong enough to get him over having one door slammed in his face, which I’m sure wasn’t the worst he ever experienced. “Simple Minds,” isn’t just one of my favorite 80’s group, unfortunately it’s also the mind-set of many people who just don’t get it; it’s about character and not about race.
I won’t repeat it, but everything that Jon said in his last paragraph!!!
You two make a great team. You may need to let him post more often.
Awesome post!!!!!
I was one of the fortunte few in myneck of the woods that was raised to believe that you don’t judge a person based on the color of their skin, but instead on their actions and their whole self. It is so sad that too many people still judge based on color. The bible says we were ALL created in the image of God. Not just the whites, not just the Jews, not just the blacks. No where does God say that only one race was created in His image. Your children are going to grow up with an awesome attitude about people thanks to your influence!
Jon’s awesome!
God created all different shapes, sizes and colors because otherwise the world would be a very boring place. I have a family full of colors and my kids don’t think anything of it. It’s a shame that some people are still being raised that it matters here in 2009.
Since we have a very similar family situation, I appreciate that you’ve taken the opportunity to share this.
Very, very well said Jon!
Thank you, Jon for that great post.
Great job voicing this Jon. It is sad that people still feel ill towards mixed marriages/couples/children etc.
Great Post Jon. Very well said.
I think it is disgusting that in this day and age people have the audacity to even dare speak poorly of someone based on their race. Jon said it right, we are all human beings. We all have the same color blood running through our identical veins. This world is a mixed wonderful place. There is no ‘white’ anymore because those people that appear white are usually a mixed breed themselves. My mom is Brazilian and her blood has so many mixes of races in it. My father is Uruguayan and has mixes of Spanish and Brazilian in his blood. My husband is Cuban and has black in his family as well. My kids may appear to have olive skin but an awesome mixture of different, beautiful races in their blood. I don’t even think it should be legal for people to ask you for your race on documents anymore because what is the reasoning behind it? You are either black, white or nothing. How about other?
I feel very strongly about this issue because it angers me that there are still so many prejudices that exist today. We should all be united as humans, not divided by race.
As for the person commenting on the original post (#27). It is very sad that her ignorance is blinding her and allowing her to make such gross judgements.
PS: Cat, you have a BEAUTIFUL family!!
Soooo very well said! Kudos to Jon for a great, truthful, honest post!
Cat, you are one lucky lady!
That is an amazing post Jon and very well said. I think we create our own struggles and not that they are created for us.
Jon I agree with you completely.
I can tell you this, I know my family and my in-laws would be the same as the commenter on the other post. I don’t get them. I don’t see what is the need for the hate and hurt.
They all object to my teaching our child that we are all the same, they make little remarks and it makes me snap. It’s not right, I want my daughter to grow up thinking of people and how they are, their personality not the color.
World is crazy, I just hope the pressure will stop!
Yay, you unleashed hubby! lol Well said, Jon! Well said!
GREAT post!! Thanks for sharing so wonderful thoughts!!
Well and heartfully said! I wish you had been on the force in Marion, Ohio when my bi-racial 6 yr old daughter was molested and the perv was not charged!
Thanks for the wonderful post Jon. I was in a mixed marriage and for many years my family disowned me. Too man years were lost. So sad. You need to post more often Jon.
what a fantastic post!
stopping by from BFPR to say congrats on your blog of the month nom
Wow, I read this post then reread the post that caused this one. I am shocked! I come from a very, very, very racist family & neighborhood but even growing up I never told that this was a biblical issue…just preference. Now that I’ve grown and sat through 5 years of Bible education I can say that I feel confident that racism, or divided races is not in the Bible. The tower of Babel was a completely different issue. We are all from the same race. Here, listen to this clip from AnswersinGenesis.org’s Ken Ham. http://www.answersingenesis.org/media/audio/answers-daily/volume-088/genetics-confirms-one-race
I am so glad you posted, Jon! I think we have all been blessed by reading your post. A wonderful and kind response.
The way I see it love is love no matter who gives it! Any child would be happy to have that special person in their life regardless of color!
Thanks for bringing this up and sharing such a great story. I often forget the troubles that people have when dealing with interracial or interdenominational relationships. You see, my husband and I don’t think in terms of race or religion. So we often forget that there are folks out there who DO think that way. I’m not even sure how we became this way as I know for one that my mother and father were always the type to point out people of different colors as they were walking hand-in-hand and so forth. It just doesn’t phase my hubby and I one bit and I truly hope that my children will be the same. People are people. Everything is just the wrapping.
And Cat, you should let your hubs ramble any time.
Hope you got to the store.
*I meant to say that “Everything ELSE is just the wrapping”.
That is such a strong-messaged post and I really, really hope that your story and words will help people to understand-At least a little bit. Thank you for sharing both of your stories with all of us.
I can tell you, you definitely reached out and educated at least one person today!
My father is white and my step mom is black. I have an almost 1 year old little sister that is mixed race. I love her dearly and would never ever hate her or think that she was a result of a sin or was a sin herself. She comes from two amazing and intelligent people. Her mom is a nurse (obviously had to go to college for that!) and a veteran of the United States Army. I love my step-mom with all of my heart. She is extremely nice, laid back, and gut-achingly funny. I just wish that I lived 45 minutes closer see them more often. I totally agree with Jon and Cat…about everything that was said. I also find it pretty funny that Commenter 27 has nothing to say in response to Jon’s post…she either has not read it yet, or has read it and is just to chicken to say anything back let alone apologize for her racial and messed up biblical views.
So thanks Jon for your hear-warming and honest thoughts.
woops…that was supposed to say heart-warming at the end there! sorry about that!
Great post!!
Very well put. That story breaks my heart a bit, and maybe someday your mom will be closer with her brother, because there is comfort in remembering loved ones and having people there to help you through loss.
I hope you guys got through the store without any tantrums!
Very well said and to the point.
My aunt married a “black man” and kept it from her parents for 3 years, until she had her first child. She knew that my grandfather loved children, so she told her parents that she was married to a “black man” and had a baby girl. With that said, my grandfathers response was “The next time you come home for a visit, you better have that baby girl with you. I want to see my grand-baby.” He put his racism aside for the love of the family.
I have always been raised that there is white trash just as there is black trash. One of the nicest and politest people I have ever met in my life is a black man. And as a white woman, I am PROUD to say that he is part of my family. In our family now, I have a black uncle with 2 mixed children, a black cousin with 4 mixed children and another black cousin with 2 mixed children. I am proud of all of them. And proud to be a part of their family.
Very well put. Thanks for writing the post.
Woot! I love the voice of reason
I agree that it’s not about race but parenting and common human decency.
You speak your mind very well.
You definitely have a way with words.
Great, great post! You’ve got an awesome man for a husband and father to y’alls kids!!!!!
Cat as my 5 year old came home and told me the other day “Words can hurt Mama” That phrase rings true hear. It saddens me and pisses me off that the love you and your husband have is called into question by something as trivial as race issues. Tell them politely to Fuck off.
Kas
I will never understand racism. I can’t imagine hating anyone on the sole basis of skin color. It just doesn’t register in my mind. My mind doesn’t work that way.
I love your husband’s words.
AMEN!
I’m so glad you took the time to write and post and thoughtful response.
The post is great and very interesting to read more about the people behind the cute faces.
Wow, that was WONDERFUL. Very very well written and I really enjoyed reading it. Nice to “meet” you Jon! You have a wonderful wife.
It’s nice to hear thoughts from a biracial person…and a parent at that!
A very good post from your husband. I wish others could understand this. Thank you for sharing.
This article was very well written! Though I’m not bi-racial, I grew up with an African-American stepdad & white mom. All four of my brothers are bi-racial, and my step-sister is African-American. I feel so fortunate to have been brought up in such an open-minded home. Though I often heard comments from other (quite ignorant) kids, I’ve always been proud of my family. And I’m happy that my kids are able to grow up in the same kind of open-minded environment.
Amen!
Great post! You have a beautiful family, and what seems to be a strong and loving family. That is all that matters. God created us all so different. We are so many different shapes and sizes, and I don’t believe there are any rules about which of us should or can fall in love. Love is not a choice. You two are meant to be together, thus it’s right.
Hey, Cat (and Jon)… My family is also interracial. My husband and I, like you two, have been married for 8 years (as of June 7) and will have been together for 12 years in just 6 more days
Together, we have five biracial children ages 16 months, 4, 6, 8, and 9. This is always a subject I get extremely passionate about because we were born and raised in South Mississippi… we now live in north central Louisiana which seems to be even worse than MS!! We’ve had our share of experiences – I think you made an excellent post with some outstanding points.
The sad truth, is that the hatred many people have for interracial couples when it involves white/black “mixing” is deep seeded and the roots stretch back generations upon generations. It’s not so much modern society that is against our families – it’s the misconceptions and prejudices that have spilled over throughout the years, down the bloodlines… All we can hope is that by standing up and being the counter-evidence of the stereotypes associated with families like ours, we will eventually bleed that bloodline of hatred and division down to its last drop.
Because of Beth and Terence McKay’s case, myself and two other ladies who are married interracially founded the Interracial Family Organization. Check it out – we’d love to see you around the forums! http://www.InterracialFamily.org
Oh and by the way, I wrote a couple of posts about the judge who refused to marry Beth and Terence… Hammond is only about 4 hours away from us, so it really hit close to home for us! If you want to check them out, here are the links: http://senilemomentia.com/reviews/2009/10/so-mr-justice-of-the-peace-sir-hows-life-4-u-these-days/ … and http://senilemomentia.com/reviews/2009/10/jp-keith-bardwell-trick-daddy-he-just-luv-da-kids/
Just found your site through Adventures in Parenting. I was touched by your husband’s response so I read the original posts and comments. Kudos to you for a well said post and response. So often we hear how the world is getting worse but I believe that families like yours built from love prove otherwise. God bless. I will be following in the future.