Years ago, when my husband first swore an oath to serve and protect, I started my very first website. Lacking in creativity I just called it, “Police Wives Online.” Last year, I realized my life had changed and I was no longer the wife that was married to the badge and turned it over to my partner. I no longer wanted to be defined by my husband’s career, as it defines him.
While I still may be the “police officer’s wife” to my friends and neighbors, I’m hoping that someday people will see me for who I am and not for who I’m married to. In law enforcement relationships, this among other things, seems to one of the biggest hurdles to overcome. I jumped that hurdle and for the first time in my life I’m HAPPY with our relationship.
As much as I feel like I’ve gotten past the issue of forever being the third wheel in our relationship with his career, there are times I wish I had married a man with a “normal” job. The kind where you know he’ll be home for the holidays, not be interrupted by dispatchers calling your house at all hours of the day/night, worrying if the kiss goodbye in the morning will be the last.
Interruption and fears aside, there are still a bucket of issues we have to deal with on a constant basis just because of his career choice. Friends…forget it. Any non-law enforcement relationships we once had have all faded. Some due to criminal histories and lifestyle choices others just because…I don’t know. It’s strange, every cop I know is only friends with other cops. That’s just the way it is. Maybe it’s the “blue line brotherhood” or maybe it’s just because they all understand what each other goes through on a daily basis.
I wish we could find away to break through this invisible barrier. Even in our own neighborhood there’s a clear barrier. I see my neighbors go to each others houses, their kids play together, they wave and smile…just not at us. The funny part is that every time we’ve moved our neighbors were so friendly…until they found out my husband was a police officer. Is it fear? Do they have something to hide?
You tell me. If you have a neighbor that’s a police officer, are you friendly with their family? Are any of your friends in law enforcement?
That really sucks Cat. I can’t imagine treating a family that has an officer in it differently than anyone else. To me a job is a job and the job does not define the family or who they are. It’s a part of them and their lifestyle, sure, but to not friend someone just because of their job (unless it was an illegal one) seems unfair, rude and uncalled for. Does that make sense?
I would think I would want to be friends with a cop! I wish I had one for a neighbor! I am thinking it must be the lifestyle your neighbors lead that makes them weary. That stinks though. I would be your friend if I were your neighbor!
Cat,
That’s a very interesting observation. I agree w/Marcia that some of it may have to do w/the actual lifestyle of the people. I think that sometimes people believe they have to be on their best behavior and/or don’t feel as comfortable being themselves which is not all that bad (or illegal). It’s like being friends w/the pastor’s wife. Can I laugh at that joke or can I talk about my overdue library books, etc.? We used to live across the street from a woman whose husband was in law enforcement. He was very friendly and she was the one who was standoffish (is that even a word?). She could have just been a snooty poot, which I think she was, but the fact her husband was in law enforcement didn’t bother me. Maybe, you need to move to my neighborhood. They have a pretty good handle on the crime here and I would love to have
you as a neighbor. You would probably get tired of me because I so enjoy cold case shows, 48 hours, etc. because I love how the criminal thought he/she was going to get away w/the crime and always (may take years) gets brought down.
your police officer husbandEven though we’re not neighbors, I appreciate the service that you and your family give to protect the people.
I don’t have any neighbors who are police officers but my Hubby used to work as a Corrections Officer in a Prison and I used to worry on a daily basis on whether or not he would make it home okay or not. Especially when one our Ohio prisons had a riot and at that time he worked in the kitchen with the butcher shop. How nice is that when the prisons talking riot? Okay, so now I am way off the subject so I better just quit.
Cat I have to say that over the last few years, I have seen a big change in our personal relationships. Stoney’s friends have all slowly drifted away and he spends more time with those on the this side of the line. When he graduated, they told him to have friends that were not officers. But it is really hard. The friends he once had are living lifestyles that he can’t be a part of. They may also have criminal histories which is highly looked down on. It does suck! I am grateful to his job and to our location. I know that unless he has a serious problem, he will be able to be home for part of the holidays now. But it is really scary to know that I may be kissing him goodbye for the last time EVERY day. I used to say I couldn’t handle being a military wife and having my husband overseas in that kind of danger. Then I became a wife behind the badge. I realized he is not just in that danger for 18 months but he is in that danger everyday for the rest of his life. Even on his days off, we have to be concerned with retaliation from someone that was not obeying the law. It definitely is a different lifestyle than if he had a normal job!
That sure does stink. Honestly, I have no idea if there are any officers in our neighborhood…I would definitely be friendly with him/her!
we live in a small town and one of the police officers lives a few houses down from us. i am friendly with his wife and kids but he’s sort of standoffish. i feel safe knowing he’s in the neighborhood and protects all houses like it’s his own.
Have you ever thought that maybe they know your a blogger and they don’t want to be stars on the internet. Seems like all my freinds that know I blog have walked backwards or kept quiet around me now. I didn’t figure it out til I read your post. NOw I get it.
SO instead of being a wife of a cop maybe your husband is just the husband to a blogger.
We have two friends who are cops. We invite them to parties and they are the 1st we call when trouble is a brewing. Its awesome to have friends who are cops but now that I think about it I don’t talk to their wives. Hmmmm
I have two friends whose husbands are cops and it doesn’t turn me off at all. My cousin is married to a cop as well. It definitely does not define their wives. They are their own person and their husband’s occupation is JUST a job.
If I lived close, we’d hang out, and I’d be your friend. Because you are YOU.
That stinks Cat. I would totally be your friend if I was were neighbor. We have at least three police officers in our neighborhood, but I don’t see them outside of their house often and when I do they are working.
That is very lovely and I’m happy you have come to that realization! Sometimes, it takes a little bit, but one day you will just wake up and realize things(like you have realized this) and it makes it so much easier for you.
We do have a few neighbors that are in law enforcement(one of which was the police officer at my high school), but don’t really KNOW them.
Although my dad is friends with pretty much EVERY DNR officer within like 5 town radieces. Lol
My brother is a cop, and so is my best friend and 4 other close friends from church. They all seem to be friends with people who are not cops, but those friends are church people… Another “group” to gravitate to who understands them? I don’t know, but I’d LOVE to have a cop as a neighbor! Of course since I know so many, I love them all, but I know that lots of people “don’t like cops”, which is ridiculous! We should love and respect them for what they do to keep us safe everyday!!
I’m sorry this is what is happening to you!
We have friends who are cops
it doesn’t bother us. My Hubby had worked for an private investigator, and he still sees all of his cop friends. I love spending time with their wife’s…I see them and talk to them for who they are, not because their husbands are cops or because they know my Hubby!
It can be hard. Maybe they hang out with us because Hubby worked kind of with them, who knows.
I didn’t know there was any dividing in who to hang out.