separation Archives - 3 Kids and Us

Sometimes, life is not what it is made out to be like in the movies. Though dream weddings can exist, in many cases, marriages can sometimes come to an end over time. There is a misconception about divorce that it must be messy and expensive, which it can be if you don’t follow the right tips to making it a smooth process. Although it can be hard to let go, people are beginning to see divorce as an opportunity to find a better life. When you have children, the process can become an infinitely more difficult one, where it is not just you and your spouse’s feelings at stake. Before you make such a life changing decision, make sure you consider some key points.

It isn’t the only option

For many reasons, people think that when you enter into a marriage, it is going to be an easy ride. This means that when there are dips in the time they have together, they can start to think the end is near when it might not be. Though it is true that divorce is sometimes the best option, it is imperative to note that it is not the only one. For example, there are many marriage counsellors you can see if you are committed to saving your marriage, but there are also times when you might see improvements after a rough patch. If your marriage hasn’t improved after you feel like you have exhausted the options, then you can think about whether divorce is the right path for you.

You’re allowed to grieve

When you have separated from a spouse, it is one of the hardest times in a person’s life. Despite this, many parents feel as though they don’t have time to process their feelings when there are other people who will be feeling the effects of the divorce, such as children. However, making it so you have no time to grieve may feel like a welcome distraction at first, but it will likely hinder your chances of moving on effectively from the situation. It will be hard, but remember to give yourself time to grieve over your old life, so that you will be able to see your new one emerging on the horizon.

Keep it quick

What puts people off about divorce is that it can sometimes be a lengthy process, which makes it harder for every person involved. It may feel as though you can’t let go quickly but holding on longer will make it even harder in the long run to accept what is happening. It is worth remembering that divorces can happen amicably despite the circumstances, which will make it easier to co-parent when you are separated but will also mean that any assets are split quickly and fairly.

Consider the financial costs

There are also financial reasons why you should act quickly when getting a divorce. Hiring a legal team can sometimes cost more than your wedding might have, especially if there are some financial disagreements that are tricky to work through. Not only this, but any joint savings you have may be compromised during the process. It is unlikely that you will be able to split your assets down the middle, which is why it is always a good idea before you commit to someone to sign a pre-nuptial agreement, so that in the off-chance divorce comes about, you are not left without any money after.

Choose a good lawyer

One of the best ways to save money during a divorce is by hiring the best divorce lawyer at a reasonable cost, and who has a proven track record. This is key, as there are many lawyers out there who will only be thinking about the money they can make during the hard times of separating spouses. If you research effectively, weigh up your budget, and go in wanting a speedy process, then you will be able to find one that suits you. In all cases, this lawyer must have your kids’ lives at heart throughout the process, as they will become a big part of the divorce agreement you come to.

Put your kids first

Putting your kids first is something that people forget about when getting a divorce, due to the stressful situations that can arise when you are separating from someone. This usually means that your kids get caught in the crossfire between two arguing parents, which can unfortunately lead to a host of problems later in life. For example, mental health issues can affect them more, and there are some children who will start to feel abandonment complexes if one of their parents decides to leave the family entirely. If there is one piece of advice you should always take before getting a divorce, it is that your kids can escape the process relatively unscathed if you out them first at all times.

Employ a children’s therapist

There will be times in your divorce when you are not able to be your strong self for your kids, especially when you are giving yourself time to grieve. In these cases, you should consider whether hiring a children’s therapist is a good idea, where your kids can learn to articulate how the divorce has made them feel, but also where they can speak to somebody as an outlet for some confusing emotions. This may seem like a big cost in the short term, buy our children will reap the benefits in the years to come.

Be careful bringing family and friends into the process

It is not just your kids you must consider during this time. In fact, there are other family members who will also be affected by such changes. This could be when your parents are close to your spouse, and when they could try to step into the process as a way of protecting you from harm. Although it is primarily you and your kids who will be suffering, you should not forget that this is a time of change for your mutual friends and family, who may feel as though they need to pick sides. Be careful about the details you divulge. Although it is important to have support and advice it is also important to ensure the de

Have a strong support network

Even if you can avoid bringing your friends and family into the middle, that doesn’t mean you should cut off your support network. This will be a difficult time for everyone involved, which means you will need emotional support to keep you going strong. Asking siblings, friends, and parents to be there for you is always a good place to start, as they can supply a shoulder for you to cry on in your time of need. Despite this, they could be dealing with some other commitments that make it harder for them to be there for you as much as they can.

Seek professional help

When your support network can’t be there for you as much as you need, then you should consider seeking professional help. This means you can learn how to deal with the process in a calm and collected way, while still enabling yourself to have a space to grieve in. Therapists are not only there to talk issues over, but to equip you with some valuable advice that you should take. Such advice will help you move onto the next stage in your life with fresh, new eyes, and with hope rather than dread. It will also stop any emerging mental health issues in their tracks.

Consider what you want

Ultimately, you should never be forced to stay in a marriage that is making you unhappy. While there are other people to consider, you can’t live your life for what they want you to do, as you will find yourself unhappier for a longer stretch of time. During a divorce, it can be easy to put it off for this reason. It will be hard, but if you take the leap to do something that makes you happy, you should not feel guilty about divorcing who isn’t right for you.

Don’t be selfish

At the same time, there are some people who put their own needs above everyone else’s, which can come at the cost of other people’s emotions. It is easy to assume that putting yourself first means being selfish, but this is not the case. For example, you may wish to start seeing other people, but you can hold off from this until after the divorce is finalized, or you will be making your chances of having a fair and amicable divorce slim. At the end of the day, your kids should be at the heart of this process, but if you know what is best for you, then this should be what is best for your kids, too.

Try not to rush into something new

Going on a rebound is one of the first things people do after they have split from someone they have been dating for a long time. Although this can be fun, it is easy to get caught up with excitement and make careless decisions. The key here is to learn how to spend time being happy by yourself, which will make you stronger in the long run. It will also put you in a better headspace, so that the next time you meet someone, you can have a better relationship than your previous one.

Source

A divorce can be a complicated affair, no matter how amicably everything was settled. Alimony, or the monthly financial support a spouse is legally mandated to provide the other, can even be more complicated due to the many factors that can affect who gets rewarded with it. The decision of who gets alimony and the exact amount comes from the result of a court case after reviewing the circumstances surrounding the divorce itself.

To help with this we’ve compiled a list of things you can do to ensure you get alimony from your divorce, and continue to receive alimony for the foreseeable future.

Prove that your spouse’s total income is higher than yours throughout the course of your marriage. Salary slips, bank account statements, purchase receipts – everything that you think that can prove that your spouse or partner has a higher and more substantial income than you may help get you the alimony you deserve. Evidence of your own underemployment throughout the marriage – as a stay-at-home parent or spouse – will be handy as well.
Prove that you have an inability to obtain work or income that will allow you to survive financially without alimony in the long term. If you are sick, elderly or have a chronic condition/injury that prevents you from working (or could affect your chances of being hired), prepare to bring it up in the court hearing. It may be beneficial if you could get a doctor’s signed statement about your condition or inability to work, as well as a tally of your total monthly expenses.
Prove that your financial status and/or quality of life will be severely affected without alimony. Be sure to mention (and provide evidence for) everything that can happen to you financially if you are not awarded alimony. From being unable to buy your prescription medication to being unable to pay utility/food bills, do your best to paint as detailed a picture to the judge presiding over your divorce hearing. As much as possible, try not to mention any luxury or hobby expenses that you will not be able to partake in – the key here is to gain the judge’s sympathy and favor.
Prove that you do your best to live within your means and can be financially responsible with the alimony. Looking and acting the part for all your court appearances is the key to winning a civil case, divorce or otherwise. Refrain from wearing loud, extravagant and casual clothing – clean and business casual fashion works. Speak clearly and respectfully to the judge, your lawyer, and even your ex-spouse. Avoid emotional outbursts and quarrels, especially in the view of your children and the judge.

If the judge rules in your favor and awards you alimony, remember that it shouldn’t be relied upon as a permanent means of income. Your right to receive it can be reviewed and revoked at any time should the court decide that it is no longer necessary. Thankfully, you can do the following to help prevent against this:

Stay single. Having a relationship is fine, but formally remarrying will not be in your favor in the eyes of the court.
Live alone. Just like remarrying, living with someone will make the judge think that you now have someone to share expenses with, whether you do or don’t. As you may think, this could drastically affect the alimony decision.
Maintain good relations with your ex-spouse. Avoid quarrels and public scenes as much as possible, online or offline.
Lawyer up. If your ex-spouse decides to skip on paying alimony, seek the services of an attorney to help you file a petition to force them to do so. If you find this to be an expense you cannot afford, contact your local legal aid organization for a pro-bono attorney who will take your case for free.

13 Things You Should Always Remember When Getting a Divorce